‘Be not afear’d.’ That’s what Caliban said about the noises on his island, but monsters already know what’s in the dark. I am frightened. There are strange noises: hissings, knockings, vibrations. My daughter can’t hear them, but I can.
My mother is hearing things. I’m so afraid that she’s losing it and what will I do then? She’s all I’ve got. I can’t hear anything at all. She says I’m not trying but I am. I really am! I want to hear and then I’ll know she’s fine.
My daughter needs me. She’s broken. He broke her. The monster. Now she’s frightened that I’m losing it. If only I could mend her, make her whole. A mother should be able to do that don’t you think?
Mum wants to ‘fix’ me, but she can’t. He left me in that abysmal place to rot and I almost did. In the perfect storm, I thought I really had lost myself. I was so afraid. I wish, now, I could hear the noises. Don’t leave me, Mummy! Please don’t leave me.
The noises are real, I know they are. Perhaps I could pretend I know what the noises are? But she’d see right through that. Or pretend I don’t hear them anymore?
Mum’s a terrible liar so I’d know if she pretended. Perhaps I could pretend instead? We could ‘look’ for the cause and then, when we can’t find it, she’ll know they’re not real. But then what? Madness!
I knew I wasn’t going mad!
She wasn’t going mad! We actually found it. Air in the central heating system. It all frightened the life out of me, but I discovered more than air in the pipes. I need to heal myself. No more monsters in the dark.